May. 7th, 2014

madscientisto: (aomine)
For me, at least not for a while.

Thinking about the future, especially about finding employment after graduating from college is killing me. Or was. From now on, I'll do my best not to care about grades, comparing my achievements to those of others and potential salary that I could get like my colleagues. I just want to forget everything for a while. I personally thought I did very well in the 3 years of college, although I slacked off a lot and I have to work off my butt for the senior year to pull it up. For the first 2 years of college, I wasn't thinking too seriously about the future so I was relatively happy although I went through some of the most hardest classes and received horrible grades. Now that I'm a junior and graduation is almost a year away, I had to shift my thinking completely for this school year and I've been so irritated because I seem incapable of doing anything compared to my peers.

I hate being compared to others. My classmates, friends, whoever I meet. I wanted to be the best without the least of effort and I hate myself when I don't do well in classes, social situations, anything. And I think the best way for me to stay happy is to forget about all these things that pressure me. I feel like my brain cells shrunk a lot since I'm anxious way too much. I want to become happy and friendly and nice and thinking about all the stressful things cannot help me achieve that right now.

I found this article listing all the things that affect life after college and yeah let's say I don't have a lot of those. LOL "The odds of thriving in all areas of well-being" looks especially bad for me orz


madscientisto: (Default)

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